everythng falls apart

Current Mood: awake

it took me 15 days
but my new year resolution is
to give up drinking alcoholic bevrages
and to stop smoking ne substance

YAY

Current Mood: crazy

in a wierd mood
cuz talking about my real father is a sensitive subject for me
so iguess ill try and be happy even though i wont be
for a while until i get him out of my mind or have the question answered why???
which is a very vague question but it covers the whole subject of what i want to know
o
and i found out i have a 1/2 brother thats 2 years older than me that our real father didnt want either
and i really really want to meet him and find him
i know his last name is south but i dont recall his first name right now
and i know that he graduated from south high so if you know anyone with that last name plz tell me cuz i really want to find him and talk to him.

im really xcited i think i just figured out how to make what danica wanted for christmas work
YAY

Current Location: room
Current Mood: idk what mood this is
Current Music: danica voice on the phone

my b day mofos

Current Location: room
Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: ddg

looking really bad this morning


but rite now i feel like that is changing
and things are gonna be getting better

Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: ddg

what is ok? am i ok? i really don't think so. but who is to say what ok is. Some physcatrist who doesn't even remember what is to be a teenager? parents? freinds? who? i'm really not ok. im bordering on insanity here. but what is sanity. who really knows what sanity is? who is to say one person is sane while the other isn't sane? i guess the only real person who knows is yourself. but how can you tell if you're insane or not. i mean how many thoughts does the average teenager think a day. come on at school all i think about is going home. then at home all i think about is what im gonna wear to school the next day. is that insanity? i constanly feel like im trapped in this little box with no way to express myself to those around me. all i want to do is get away and be left alone to lead my own life. is that asking to much? or is that being sane? i guess i feel ok. right now my life is pretty much going up but i feel trapped. i need to break through my chrysalis and become what i need to survive. is that what being ok and being sane is? i really don't know. and if im ok then i know i'm teetering on the edge of insanity and one little push is going to send me over with no way to bring me back. one day thats gonna happen and i will be as happy as can be. is that insanity? thinking about being happy if you do go insane? see look at all these questions im asking and i still have no clue what i'm talking about. is that bieng sane? ok even? if and when that day comes i will finally know that broke out of my cage and am truly free to lead my own life. life? what exactly is that? do we even exist? or are we just forms of energy? is that insane questioning existence? are sociopaths and phsycopaths the ones that are truly sane? are they thinking that yea im gonna kill this guy just cuz i can or cuz he stole my money? or are they doing because they aren't ok? cuz the need help? who really knows. i don't and im sure some lame ass phsycatrist doesn't know either.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Bright Eyes

yea i used a backslash so what

anyways


today was pretty fun

went to the zoo

missed someone

lame


talked to my love on the phone and couldn't stop smiling


it was a good day



by the way i decided i don't like the last part of my entry from yesterday so i will re write that part soon

Current Mood: happy